If you didn't know by now, this blog is a place where I just let you into my innermost thoughts.
I am not that great at talking about fluffy things - I enjoy those things, cute pictures of my kids, funny videos of the dog jumping in the sprinkler... but often in type it is my heart that comes out, somehow when my fingers hit the keyboard I can give you a glimpse inside me in a way that is more real than in person sometimes, let me do that here as well.
9 years ago I unexpectedly got pregnant. Our firstborn child was just a few months old and I had a busy career doing "good things" at the studio. I didn't have time for another baby and I didn't want one. I absolutely believed that the baby was a life, but I also completely understood at that moment how women who are married or not decide that abortion is the only way out. If I hadn't been taught from a young age the horrors of abortion I might have been in the position to choose to end my baby's life. I cried so much, and I was angry at God because He had ruined my plans that were all tied up with a neat bow.
Our family was told we were pregnant, we took pregnancy pictures, we even bought a minivan - but no one else knew, because it wasn't a joy to tell them yet.... and then, one May morning, during a studio watch week, I had a miscarriage. It's hard to describe the feeling that goes through you when you are losing a life while realizing how precious it was at that same time. Our daughter, nicknamed Két (Which means the #2 in Hungarian) died and I didn't know how to handle it. I learned that miscarriage was something talked about in hushed tones, that women didn't feel they could share, and that I felt like was my fault. Maybe my wishing this life hadn't existed was part of the reason that it was snuffed out like a light. How could I feel so guilty when I didn't do anything? What would it have felt like if I had done this by choice? How could I have ever lived with myself? How could this. happen?
"All things work out for the Good, for those who love God and live according to His purpose"
Két changed my life, she changed my perspective on children, on the preciousness of life, and on letting God plan my life instead of myself. Her life was followed by Seraphina (unplanned) Max (adopted) and Selah (very unplanned) and I thank her little life every time I kiss my babies goodnight. Her unplanned short time on earth changed my life forever and it was exactly what I needed...
How could a good God let bad things happen? Maybe it's because those hard and awful times are the times that break our heart into a million pieces so it can be put back in place like a masterpiece by the God who knit us together in the first place. I don't have all the answers in the world, but I do know this.
Every hard time in my life that has brought me to my knees has also brought me to a place of seeing how God loves me individually, and provides for me supernaturally, and how he really does hold all the world in the palm of His hand.
My husband and I watched the movie Unplanned this evening. It is powerful and should be something that everyone watches for themselves. I know it is rated R, but I don't believe it deserves to be. I am debating taking my 9 year old but I think I will wait until it comes out on DVD so we can view it together privately... But if she were 11 or 12 and knew how babies came to exist I would take her, and considering we only watch G. movies in this house that is saying something. (There is 1 cuss word use in jest in the movie)
I encourage every adult and teenager to go see this movie and take friends.
I have rented out the B&B theatre in Ankeny for Sunday April 7th at 1:30pm
That is 49 seats given for free for anyone willing to come watch.
If you would like tickets, please simply ask for them in the office at the studio this week, or by e-mailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org They are free to anyone who wants them and if you want to get one for a friend that is wonderful, I simply ask that you only reserve them if you are willing to fill the seat. Lets not let one seat go empty when someone could hear a clear message of how God uses the unplanned for his purpose. Please share the word!
If God moves in a big way and the tickets sell out I will gladly buy more.
If you were touched by this post I would encourage you to take a moment to pray.
Pray for any woman who has made the choice to end the life of her child,
Pray for peace and healing for her and that she would allow God to redeem her from her guilt. and show her that His love for her is everlasting.
Pray that Christians would stand up for the unborn even when it's not convenient or politically correct.