This week our family was almost torn apart and yet through it we have experienced the immense supernatural power of prayer.
I woke up on March 1st and when I looked at my husband something was different, it was as if his eyes couldn't see through clearly because they were covered by a film of mud, mud that showed him everything in his life was dark and unhappy. I don't believe it was coincidental that this was the same day that we announced everything for the ministry and upcoming company - God is doing big things... but what we failed to recognize is that God's enemy doesn't like when we serve and give our lives over to Him, and our family was not covered in the protecting power of prayer. my husband went from being an attentive, loving, playful, supportive husband to someone who declared he didn't love me anymore. It was instant, without a fight, without an argument, without any event causing it - just a sudden destruction of our relationship.
My husband was placed in a Hungarian orphanage at the age of 2, he aged out and was never adopted. Though he did find immense healing in knowing that God is the father of those who are fatherless, he still has scars from his childhood. It is possible he has Reactive Attachment Disorder, or some sort of other triggers from his childhood that rear their ugly head, most likely these triggers are what Satan pushes to do what he is only capable of, lying, killing and destroying. We have been through hard times before in our marriage, if you haven't read about God's protecting in our past I encourage you to read this first and then read about the second miracle story here. This time though those past experiences had taught me that this was clearly spiritual warfare.
If you know a battle is coming you prepare, you armor up and you get your tribe behind you - I didn't expect this, I should have! I should have known that the enemy would attack when we were doing bold things for the gospel, but I was blindsided.
Thankfully I was not alone. I contacted our church and some friends we homeschool with, I contacted the married teachers on our team and I asked for prayer. I listened over and over to this playlist that was made by Miss Brittany, Katherine and I. What I can clearly tell you is that this week, the week my husband declared he didn't love me, I have felt more loved than ever in my life. If you were one of those sobbing in prayer with me, checking on me, or encouraging me to pursue my husband I thank you. You have made an everlasting impact on my life and I pray that I can be that source of life for you in the future as well.
Tuesday, March 5th we decided to get a legal separation. Our children were told and it was this day that I learned what a child-like faith really is. To quote my son, they were "sad but brave" and they continually prayed that their daddy would love their mommy again.
Wednesday, March 6th terms were decided for our separation, if you saw me teaching that day you probably didn't know anything was different, I think the prayers of all those going to battle for me created this peaceful bubble where I was able to have true joy amidst my circumstances.
Thursday, March 7th something changed. It was like the rain of prayer had started to wash the mud from his eyes, not because of anything I had done to convince him, I wasn't convincing him, I was just praying and loving and waiting expecting a miracle. We had a good conversation in the morning, afternoon and long into the evening... and something happened. My husband literally said to me "I can feel people praying for me" and it was like a veil falling and revealing my husband under all of the wounds of spiritual battle.
Friday, March 8th my husband made a declaration in front of our children that he would not leave our family, that he would stay and fight for our marriage. Then he went and purchased me a new wedding band as a symbol I can look at and be reminded that he isn't resting on the choice made almost 12 years, he is choosing this day forward to be a husband forever. This was not because he was convinced, this is not because he "gave in", it was because the enemy did not, and will not ever win the battle in the end. He may have some victories - but in the end, God will always prevail.
I am thankful as we are just days away from our 12th anniversary (March 18th) that our family can continue to be together. I ask that you pray for our family, pray for the ministry. If the war is this intense before we have started I imagine it will only escalate in the future. But I boldly proclaim here on this public blog that we still surrender all to Christ and the furthering of the gospel, and that we will not be afraid, we will not give in and that God will have the glory even in the mess of our lives.
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