A lot has happened in my life since the last blog post... and by a lot I mean A LOT! I went for a walk this morning and was thinking about how to share all that God is doing and realized I would need to go back to the beginning of my healing first... So, here we go - to the beginning of my healing.
In 2019 when I, with my 4 children, left my abusive husband I lived in fear for weeks... more like months. I feared for our physical safety, I feared that I would lose my children, I feared that I couldn't do it all... How could I pay the bills alone? How could I handle being a full time working mom without a partner? You know what I feared as well? How people would judge me... I literally heard from a pastor in our area that divorce is a sin for any reason (This is not a Biblical answer BTW, and this book really helped me process through God's intention for marriage and divorce) God gave me freedom, and he promised me new life and redemption... and I can tell you from all that has happened in this year of my life that God is with me and blessing my life as I obey him.... even in divorce.
Ok - so let's go to the three moments I pinpoint with beginning my healing process
1. My first month in my new church Heartland Church I was approached by someone I didn't know, she was a worship leader and the youth pastor... She didn't know my name, we had never spoken yet, and she came to me and said that the Lord spoke a Word to her about me and asked if she could share it.... Coming from my Baptist roots this was not something that typically happened in my life, but I said yes.... She told me (This was THE VERY WEEK I was having a judge sign our divorce paperwork) " God sees you, He sees that you are done and He has given you the papers... and He is going to restore trust and touch in your life" ........ I started bawling....... Only God could give such prophetic words to someone who didn't know me or my story. (Beautiful love story coming soon to explain how it really did all come true)
2. I read the book recommended above (Thank you to my mom for giving it to me) I didn't understand how I could have the above spoken to me, or how I could have the desire to be married again, or how I could even just feel the biggest sense of peace and freedom that I had ever felt if this was wrong... Can you have shame and freedom at the same time? Short answer? NO. God's intention for marriage is that it would last, but for those being abused He has made a way out without shame - a way of FREEDOM!
3. My birthday.... This was almost 3 months after we left and I was growing in my confidence, growing in seeing that I could do this... My children created breakfast in bed for me which was such a blessing to my heart (somehow them enjoying my birthday spoke to the fact that I wasn't completely failing them) and we went to church that day and I felt these three words spoken over me over and over from the Holy Spirit.... Freedom, Redemption & Identity. I spent the worship time just bawling over how amazing God is and what a good father He is... Then Kara (remember the woman from #1) said that she felt that God wanted to heal someone, and I remember praying that God would indeed heal someone... know who He chose that day? It was me... I had dislocated my shoulder in May and in that moment I felt a warm rush come over my body like water running from head to toe. My pain was gone... the prayer I prayed for "someone" God used for me.
These stories might not have been the beginning of my freedom physically, or my freedom legally, or my story of redeeming love (because that is a pretty crazy amazing one) but they began the healing that allowed my heart to be ready for love again. They began the healing that allowed me to be healed in order to help my children find healing as well.
Are you in need of someone to talk to? Someone to pray for you? Please reach out! God has given me a redemption story too amazing not to share and He can give you one as well.
So much more to come and I am looking forward to sharing it all with you!